My Breast cancer journey
My husband told me often that I am just adding to my story. I told him that I am done adding to my story. I have been through enough. But, God had other plans for me....
I have heard the phrase, "I am a survivor." many times throughout my life but never really thought much of it's true meaning until I had to fight a battle of my own. For some, being a survivor means that they have fought for everything that they own in order to live a productive life. For others, it may mean that they are still here after enduring an abusive relationship or childhood, that they made it through an illness that was quite intense, or that they are simply here....surviving in a society of great divide and anguish. For me, it means that I have fought all of my life to be where I am today, one step at a time.
I....AM....A....SURVIVOR. When I was barely of the age to remember it all, my parents divorced. I remember the day that my dad moved out. I was angry but really didn't realize it at that moment. I have a picture of myself riding my tricycle and the look on my face was pure disheartenment. I didn't realize that the picture was taken during the time that this was all going on until one day when my dad and I were chatting and he told me about when and why he took the picture. For years after that I traveled back and forth between my parents and was the product of a split home. But you know what? I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that both of my parents loved me beyond expression. They tried to make sure that I knew that and did everything possible to make sure that I didn't want for anything. As a teacher, I see so many kids who come from split homes. This past year I was in awe of the number of students that I had who came from a home with absent parents, parents who were in and out of jail, or parents that were neglectful. It broke my heart. I remember sharing with one of them one day that my parents divorced too when I was very young. But, as I did, I realized that I am blessed beyond measure. I never went without either one of them. And you know what? I survived. I....AM....A....SURVIVOR. When I was around seven years old, both of my parents remarried, each marrying totally amazing people whom I adore. When I was twelve, my step father got a new job many miles away from the home that I had known for many years and we moved. Right before we moved, the doctors discovered that I had severe curvature of my spine and a plan of action was put into place. Not long after we had moved to Virginia, my chiropractor told us that there was nothing more that he could do and he referred me to Johns Hopkins University to a surgeon. On August 10, 1988, when I was thirteen years old, I underwent major back surgery. They inserted a rod into my back and fused several of my vertebrae together to help correct my curvature. I spent most of my middle school years in a brace. Today, I have a lot of pain that I deal with due to the rod and my scoliosis. I have been told by more than one doctor that I would and should be at least using a walker or cane if not a wheelchair by now. But I am not.... I....AM....A....SURVIVOR. Fast forward to November 2014...I found a lump in my breast during a routine self-check. I had just been to my OB-GYN for my annual exam and he did not feel the lump. Since he did not feel it, I figured that it was nothing and passed it off as my crazy imagination. By the end of December, it had grown in size and I knew that I had to say something and have it checked out. I sat in the waiting room of the doctor's office with a rock in the pit of stomach, about to throw up from my nerves. I didn't want to say anything. But, I knew that I had to...for the sake of me and my family. On February 11th, 2015, I was given news that completely rocked our world. I had breast cancer. Not only that, but it was Stage II, Triple Negative, Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. I had been researching the different types of breast cancer and was praying that I didn't hear the words Triple Negative. It is fast growing and more aggressive. Annndddd....I heard those words. Was I going to be survivor this time? What was going to happen? What would all of these treatments do to my body? What kind of damage will I endure? Will it kill the cancer? Guess what??? I fought through three surgeries. I fought through the exhaustion, sickness, and torrent of sixteen chemotherapy treatments. I fought through the emotional stress, itching, and pain of thirty-three radiation treatments. I still fight through a LOT of anguish and worry. BUT, I am STILL a survivor. There are so many times that I compare my cancer story to others and my mind races. My diagnosis/prognosis expands and my anxiety heightens. Every time that I read or hear the word "recurrence", my heart races and I just want to cry all over again. But....I am survivor. I have survived so many instances in my life. Why not this one too? As I was watching television this evening, a commercial came on and I heard one of the hosts boldly state, "I AM A SURVIVOR." My heart jumped and I knew that I want to be that bold too. And I have made up my mind that I will boldly state that I too am a survivor. Are you a survivor? I bet you are. Don't give up on life. Don't throw in the towel before you have fought the fight. Boldly stand up and proclaim that YOU are a survivor too!
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