My Breast cancer journey
My husband told me often that I am just adding to my story. I told him that I am done adding to my story. I have been through enough. But, God had other plans for me....
You never know how you are going to handle a cancer diagnosis. It isn't like you sit and ponder over the theory that YOU could be a victim of its demise. It hit me out of left field and totally rocked my world. I sit here now and look back over the experience and think, "How could it already be a full year since I finished chemo?" I can't believe that it has been that long already. I wish that I could say that it is all peaches and cream and everything is great. But, there is so much that goes into a major medical diagnosis like cancer. Honestly, I am not sure that I will ever be the same.
My husband was laughing at me this evening due to a comment that I had made suggesting that someone may need to find a new job because they couldn't get our order right in the drive thru. (Hahaha....I didn't get my nap today.) From there, I quickly (not so proudly) admitted to the fact that I am quicker to become agitated and am definitely more grumpy since having to go through my breast cancer journey. He asked me if it broke my filter. Hahaha.....Well......Kinda......Sorta.......It actually broke ME as a whole, everything within my being. I have never been quick to anger or quick to cry. I am a very laid back person who HATES confrontation. But now I think that I have been forced to realize that life is precious. It can be taken from you at an instant and it can completely change in the blink of an eye. I now realize that I have to stand up for me, for my beliefs, for my passions, for my feelings. If you even look at me with a slight cross eye, I will cry. Worry has become my best friend. Every pain, every ache, every lump or bump.... I have shut the door and locked in many times in an effort to break up with it. I think that is where some of the agitation comes from. I don't want to be a slave to worry and fear. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I have been promised complete healing and that I have a MAJOR work to do to share my story. And that is what I am going to do.... My oncologist told me that people respond in one of two ways....either they close themselves up into a mindset of avoidance and desolation or they get the tattoo and wear their struggle proudly. So....I choose.... the tattoo.... I have never been afraid to hit life head on and to fight for what I believe in and it is no different here. I have the scars, the pains, the side effects to prove it. I choose to rid myself of the worry and fear that sometimes clutches with all of its might and drives me insane. The fear that I was warned will come....and go....and come again.....God has already begun opening the doors to help me spread my testimony to all ends of the earth. I am geared up, ready to march, ready to share, speak, encourage, love.....I WANT TO USE MY STORY....to help others who have fallen victim to this dreadful disease. I want them to look at me and see a story of hope and future. I want to make a difference in not one, but many..... Let's get this party started!!!
1 Comment
AUNT BONNIE
8/31/2016 01:52:08 pm
U R AWESOME JENNY
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